Are You Really a Christian?

I thought I was. I thought for sure I was.  I wish someone had asked me if I was really a Christian and challenged my beliefs.  

I grew up in the church.  I went to church camp.  I went to various conferences in middle school and high school.  I didn't cuss.  I didn't smoke.  Whenever people were watching, I'd pray before a meal.  I attended church.  I owned a bible.  I didn't sleep around or drink.  I went to a Christian college.  I didn't really hang out with other kids who did 'bad' things.  So I assumed I was good to go.  Heckkkkk no.  I was about as lukewarm as it gets.  It is embarrassing to think about how far I was from Christ but still would represent his name.
One time I got called out.  These people didn't even know they were calling me out.  My freshman year of college, I was telling these guys about Every Man's Battle, a book on dealing with male temptations in a Christian manner. They said later that really surprised them because I never talked about Jesus and I just didn't seem to carry myself like a Christ-follower.  Seldom have I been as bothered in my life as I was then.  I've since realized that I was just following rules but I didn't even have a set of beliefs to base them on. I was just doing it so I'd come off like I had it together.  

While it's not all about us getting into heaven, these are some good verses to think about.

Matthew 7-True and False Disciples

²¹ “Not everyone who says to me, ‘Lord, Lord,’ will enter the kingdom of heaven, but only the one who does the will of my Father who is in heaven. ²² Many will say to me on that day, ‘Lord, Lord, did we not prophesy in your name and in your name drive out demons and in your name perform many miracles?’ ²³ Then I will tell them plainly, ‘I never knew you. Away from me, you evildoers!’

Luke 13-The Narrow Door

²² Then Jesus went through the towns and villages, teaching as he made his way to Jerusalem. ²³ Someone asked him, “Lord, are only a few people going to be saved?”  He said to them, ²⁴ “Make every effort to enter through the narrow door, because many, I tell you, will try to enter and will not be able to. ²⁵ Once the owner of the house gets up and closes the door, you will stand outside knocking and pleading, ‘Sir, open the door for us.’  “But he will answer, ‘I don’t know you or where you come from. ²⁶ “Then you will say, ‘We ate and drank with you, and you taught in our streets.’  ²⁷ “But he will reply, ‘I don’t know you or where you come from. Away from me, all you evildoers!’²⁸ “There will be weeping there, and gnashing of teeth, when you see Abraham, Isaac and Jacob and all the prophets in the kingdom of God, but you yourselves thrown out. 

Jesus makes it quite clear that many people who think they will make it, definitely won't.  Old Mills definitely goes in that category.  Heck, who am I to say even now I will make it through the narrow door? 

So what makes someone a Christian?  How does one know they are a Christian? How do you know you are saved? I think it starts in Matthew 16: 

²⁴ Then Jesus said to his disciples, “Whoever wants to be my disciple must deny themselves and take up their cross and follow me. ²⁵ For whoever wants to save their life^[f] will lose it, but whoever loses their life for me will find it. 

He says we must deny ourselves.  I think that clearly means we are to leave behind all pleasures of this world.  I mean if you didn't know Christ, would your life look about the same?  I think we just gloss over 'take up their cross and follow me.'  Are we ready to drop everything, especially our old lives?  In Luke, he says, 'make every effort.'  Am I making every effort?  Are you making every effort?  Is sitting on your duff watching the tube, 'making every effort'? 

 Have you truly given your life to Jesus?  Have you truly turned your life goals into His goals?  Have you submitted your dreams and aspirations, surrendered your wishes and wants, to His will?  Do your financial gifts to Him put a strain on you?  How often do you do things, to serve others, for which you get nothing in return?  What is the true purpose of your life? When's the last time you stopped to help a homeless person or someone with car trouble, stranded on the side of the road?  How often are you studying His word? How much time do you spend in prayer with God?  

Just because you go to church, just because you believe in God, just because you help your friends move, just because you give 10% of your income, just because you don't swear, does not mean you are a Christian.  

I challenge you to look at your life.  I challenge you to ask yourself if you have really sold out for Jesus.  He certainly never called us to be comfortable. How comfortable are you?  How easy is your life?  How much do you sacrifice? There should be nothing easy about being a Christian.  

What you think about and fill your mind with is who you really are.

Introverted

I always used to pride myself on being an introvert.  I thought really extroverted people were annoying and just wanted attention.  I also used to find it irritating when people would call me shy.  I think that word does not describe me what-so-ever, save very specific and uncommon situations.  In my opinion there are roughly two types of introverts: shy ones and reserved ones.  I would definitely call my personality reserved.  A reserved person is not scared of public speaking; they just sit and watch a bit before volunteering ideas.  In high school and college, I seldom raised my hand to offer my thoughts.  That wasn't because I was afraid of what people would think; usually I simply didn't think the discussion was of interest and didn't apply to me.  

I never used to care to meet people.  I did not like meeting new people at all, especially since I didn't see the purpose.  I didn't like being in uncomfortable social situations.  Since I never bothered to meet new people, I never really developed those skills, until more recently.  And as I have delved into the joy that is meeting people, I have realized more fully how selfish I really was.

I'm not going to sit here and say everyone who is introverted is selfish.  But for me, it was selfish.  I preferred to sit in my comfortable bubble.  I didn't think these people I didn't know had anything to offer, anything of benefit to me.  I'd much rather have been by myself.  I preferred my own company, most of the time, to others.  To God's children.  

I definitely 100% think we all need recharge our batteries.  For introverts, that usually involves time alone.  But for this introvert it was excessive.  I wanted to do everything alone.  Most people weren't worthy of my time.  I hateddd group projects.  I hated having my grade depend on people who were not as good as students as me.  I'd say roughly a third of the time in my life, I just told the rest of the group that I would do the whole thing, just so it would get done the way I wanted.  I did many things by myself.  I lifted alone, I did my homework alone, I listened to music alone, etc. 

All the personality tests I ever do always spit out that I'm a lion, leader, dominant or something similar, so I always thought it was interesting that I was also an introvert.  I'm very curious as to how a leader can be introverted.  I think I kind of figured it out.  

I love meeting people.  I'm getting decent at it.  I have to be honest though I'm much better at it when I can kind of corner them.  For example, I went to a local mega church to check out their young adult service.  It had over 100 people in their twenties, loud music, lights, just a very social atmosphere and I didn't do very well.  Contrast that with the homeless shelter I volunteer at and there is usually only three or four other workers there, at most, that I haven't met.  And I eat that up. I'm not used to being the more forward person, the one who introduces themselves to everyone and asks all the questions.  I love learning about people, asking where they are from, what they do, where they went to college, etc.  I have made such an effort at it recently that it all starts to run together.  I can't remember most of any of their answers from the questions I asked, the first time I saw them and I kind of feel bad.  And dumb when I ask the same questions again.  

I just never knew what I was capable of.  My demeanor will probably always be introverted but I can definitely be social when I need/want to, especially now that I see how enjoyable it is, on top of how vital it is to carry out His mission.  I can totally be a leader and deal with many different types of people; I just need time to recharge the batteries and I'll be good.

Are you part of the solution or part of the problem?

AmeriCorps

Sooo I'm going to spend a year in Sacramento, serving on AmeriCorps.  I do not like to tell people about things I'm going to do, until it's actually happening.   What I have planned, often does not indeed come to pass.  For example, I was sure I was going to study abroad in Australia or that I was going do a sportswriting internship in San Francisco.  As I always say, if you want to make God laugh, tell him your plans.  Well, now AmeriCorps is not just an idea; I officially got accepted.  Well unless, my fingerprints reveal a rap sheet full of criminal activity.  

I left Lifetime Fitness in the middle of October 2012.  One can hardly call what I was going to do next, a 'plan.' Looking back, it was kind of dumb to quit, when I didn't even have another job lined up.  But that is how much I hated that job.  It ended up working out because I was able to spend those weeks in between jobs, painting and working on the house.  Anyways, one day I googled 'loan forgiveness.'  As I'm typing the word 'googled,' spellcheck is all over it.  I thought it was 2013; googled and texting should be 'real' words by now.  Anywaysss, lots of stuff came up.  One that stuck out to me was PeaceCorps.  This greatly interested me, for obvious reasons: traveling abroad, serving and putting a dent in my loans.  Buttt with a little research, I found out that they only help out with specific loans, that I did not have.  So I looked at AmeriCorps, which in a nutshell, is PeaceCorps stateside.  They give you $5,500 towards loans from the government after you complete your service, with a $4,000 stipend, all before taxes.  

The more I looked into it, the more and more I liked the idea.  Same thing: going somewhere new, serving and putting a dent in my loans.  The main difference is I wouldn't be abroad.  But who cares.  I prayed about it and decided to put an app in.  What did I have to lose?  The more time went by, the more it seemed like a good idea. I'm always careful not to let my excitement about something grow too much, because this world will disappoint you, but I was looking forward to the possibility.  It almost seemed too good to be true.  After jumping through a few more hoops, my application made it through the first round.  So then I was just waiting to get placed.  I got some killer references from some guys I spent a lot of time working for back home and I'm sure they made me look better than I actually am.  Waiting.  And waiting.  It had almost been two months and I still hadn't heard anything.  One of my biggest weaknesses is my impatience.  I want everything done now.  So I started looking for ways I would spend my fall in 2013.  And then, more than two months after I was first accepted in, I found out I made it into the Sacramento Program.  I start in October and I'm pretty excited.  

I get bored easily.  Too easily.  I think I will always be a nomad of sorts.  I can't fathom spending the next 40-ish years of my life, waking up and doing the same thing I did yesterday.  Heckkk no. Once I have mastered a task and the challenge is gone, I'm ready for something else.  So this works perfectly.  It is a change of pace and it's a commitment that is not too long.  

People commented that I could probably get a good job and 'come out ahead,' because after taxes, serving on AmeriCorps you make about  $350 a month.  Well it wasn't just about money for me.   I love to see new places, I love try new things, I love to meet new people, but most of all I love to serve.  I love serving and I really love working with my hands.   I also would love the minimalist lifestyle.  It's one thing to force myself to have minimal budget but quite another to live that way because you have no other choice.  Heck yes.  

I was slightly hesitant about immersion.  I think about all the times I have been immersed in a sinful climate: sports' locker rooms, Costa Rica, Lifetime Fitness, Illinois State, public school and they all negatively impacted me. Of course, I hadn't given my life to Jesus then, but it is definitely worth thinking about.  I mean I guess I can't assume that everyone in my group will not be believers but as always I prepare for the worst.  I definitely think we should step out of our comfortable lives where we are surrounded by other Christians and I definitely make an effort to do that.  But I am really praying about an intense ten months.  I'm going to be in close proximity with 10-14 other young people.  We will spend  everyday together.  When there is a natural disaster nearby and we drop everything to go work there, then it will really be close quarters, sharing all the same living spaces, bathrooms, etc.  So I just want to make sure that I'm prepared for that.  

People rarely succeed unless they have fun in what they are doing.
    -Andrew Carnegie

Man-made Pleasures Will Not Quench Your Thirst

I no longer enjoy the things of this world. I feel out of place in this culture, in this society. Now that I have put those thoughts into words, I can see how they might look like something someone told me to say, or just simply saying what sounds like the right thing. But that's not it at all; that's really how I feel. I'll get to the 'out of place in this culture' thing another day, but for now, I'll talk about worldly things.

It grows more and more obvious. It's a progression and I am thoroughly enjoying it. The worldly things I used to enjoy are falling away. I used to enjoy pro sports. I used to enjoy metal concerts.
I used to enjoy action movies. I used to enjoy following the Minnesota Vikings. Now if someone asks who my favorite teams are, I might mention Plains, but other than that, none. I used to enjoy ESPN.

I used to enjoy classic rock. I used to enjoy traveling, simply for the sake a trying new things and making myself more well-rounded. I just wanted to be able to say, 'I've been to this many states' or 'I've been to this many countries.' I used to enjoy making people feel stupid with sarcasm.
I used to enjoy being in the presence of pro athletes or 'rock stars.' I used to enjoy beating people at any competition. I used to enjoy PTI. I used to enjoy writing sports articles. I used to enjoy being taller than people. I used to enjoy going to exotic car shows. I used to enjoy having four times as much money as I do now, just to feel comfortable. I used to enjoy reading fiction. I used to enjoy excessive exercise to make myself toned and fit. Now, these things more or less bore me. I'll watch a movie, that I used to be one of my favorites, and now I'll hardly find it enjoyable. I'm not saying I'll never watch a ball game again or enjoy a good game of pickup basketball but those things are no longer my life, my everything.
The longer I am a Christian (almost four months), the less and less I enjoy the things this world has to offer. I can see now why I made them such a big deal; why 'normal' people make them such a big deal. It's because that's all I had. All I had was playing sports, lifting weights, watching sports and other things I enjoyed. That was all I had to 'make myself happy.' That was all I had to live for. What an empty, flimsy, broken foundation! What a pitiful and sad life. No wonder I was so bitter. No wonder I was so cynical and dissatisfied. All of those things were fleeting, only pleasing for a short time. I was so hungry for something more and I tried to fulfill those desires with the same things as everyone else; the same typical worldly pleasures, things that won't last.
Placing so much importance in things that I can't take with me, got me nothing but severe discontent. I mean, think about it: how foolish, how inane is it, to base how well your day goes or even your mood, on things like if your favorite sports team won or not? How well your stocks did? If you get to watch your favorite show? This world will not satisfy you. It might please you for a minute, but it won't be there for you. It will take a lot more than it will give.
 To me, now that I'm on 'the other side,' depression is not baffling anymore. Before, depression always confused me. I mean yes, if a loved one dies or something else traumatic, that made more sense. But other than that, I never could figure out how, as well-off Americans, one could let themselves get so down. But now I get it. If one didn't know Jesus and had no purpose, no peace and nothing to live for, of course that would be depressing! I don't think I realized it before and definitely would not have admitted it , but even I was moderately depressed. I wanted something more, so much more. I didn't know it then, but now it is obvious that until I finally found Jesus, this life is meaningless. Serving others in the name of the Lord is the only way you will ever find true satisfaction on this earth.

 Vance Havner quipped, “Christians, like snowflakes, are frail, but when they stick together they can stop traffic. -Rick Warren

Iphones

I have no problem admitting that in the past I have done things differently, solely for the sake of being different. This is not one of those times.
The school district I sub at has a hefty percentage of kids that come from low-income families. They still all have phones, which I do not have trouble understanding in high school. But I do not think every kid in junior high should have a cellular device. When I sub in a middle school, I ask them why they think they need to have a phone, when they can't even drive. Usually this inquiry is met with confused looks and comments. "Mister, everyone has a phone." Whenever I come across a kid who has not been spoiled with one, they are usually complaining and whining about it. There is only one reason for this: they just want to fit in. They only want a blackberry or samsung galaxy or iphone simply because all the other kids do. And I think adults are no different.
We only want an iphone because everybody around us has one. We don't want to be the lamo walking around with a flip phone. It's the new cool worldly thing and we just hop right in. "It's 2013 bro. Everyone has a smart phone." Not quite everyone.

I find it sad and amusing to see everyone walking around with cute matching phones and then hear someone say, "I don't know how we lived without them." Really? Only a few short years ago most of us had no trouble functioning without them and a few years before that most people didn't even have a phone. And we made it just fine.
People are like zombies, glued to a 2.5 inch screen. How can a virtual world be better than reality? I mean I clearly use the internet, but generally when I'm around other people I try to stay off of my phone. And you don't need the internet on your phone. Yes it's nice and it's convenient. I think the GPS part is handy, but do we really need a browser? Can't you wait a few hours until you get home to your computer? Is it really that pressing? And how are we okay with letting ourselves be so dependent on a device? Americans are so predictable. We want it and we want it now. I refuse to let the technology age change me anymore than it already has.

As Christians, how can we justify iphones? How can we say we 'need' a smart phone? I think that is ludicrous. There are thousands of children that die everyday in Africa, because they lack simple medications and vaccinations. Is paying for a fancy luxurious phone really more important than the lives of those kids? Are we taking Jesus and His commands seriously? How can this be more than okay? How can this be widely accepted and commonplace? "Ahhhh Mills you are being too hardcore and a bit ridiculous." Am I? Do you think Jesus would admonish, condone or bless our use of excessively expensive communication devices and all the other things that come standard with the typical suburban American middle-class life? Do you think the Son of God would be sporting the latest iphone 5?
I pay $30 a month for Straight Talk service, with 1,000 minutes and 1,000 texts. It does everything I need it to do. I can't imagine indulging myself and spending twice that, or even more, every month, just to keep up with the Joneses and fit in. That doesn't even take in consideration the cost of the actual phone itself. I send the money I would have spent on an iphone to Katie in Africa, to support her cause of taking care of starving and sick orphans. I question even having a phone at all. I think it is something I could feasibly get by without. So much logistics are done with email now anyways.
I love traveling abroad, obviously for lots of reasons, but it is so nice to just set my phone down for a couple weeks or months. I cannot wait to turn my phone off for nearly a year and just live life this fall when I'm serving for AmeriCorps.
I'm not trying to attack everyone who is different from me. I just don't think people often have their habits questioned or challenged. The people we are trying to fit in with, likely won't be in our lives in 10-20 years. Our time in this world is fleeting. I think we should use it to wholeheartedly take advantage our resources for His cause instead of our American agenda.

Stress is not trusting God.
-Christina at Vespers 10/23/08

The Idol of Exercise

In the recent past I have recognized/realized and got rid of a lot of idols in my life.  After myself, probably one of the biggest things I sinfully idolized was exercise.  It is not an overstatement to say I was obsessed. 

I remember one time in 7th grade my team won the season of whatever sport we were playing in PE.  Our reward was to get out of daily running.  I’m pretty sure I never even thought about what I did next.  Without hesitation, I asked Coach Kastner if I could run anyways.  Heckkkk no was I going to sit in the middle and do nothing, while everyone else got to move and be active.  He told me he liked that attitude.  I remember also when I was that young I did like 20 pushups every night before bed.  No one told me to do that or suggested it.  Then in eighth grade I started going to the high school to lift weights for football.  My dad whipped out his old school equipment and taught me a lot of stuff in the basement.  I was hooked. 

I loved the feeling, the high you get after a tough grueling workout.  I loved the hard work required of lifting weights.  I love the feeling of being in shape and always being ready for any type of manual labor or sports challenge.  I also loved sports.  My favorite class in high school was by far strength training.  I remember most years I got away with doing my own thing at weights and not the program required of the class, because I tried so hard.  I also loved Anatomy and learning about the muscles.  I loved being slim and still putting up respectable numbers.  Since I started lifting in eighth grade, with the exception of 2.5 months in Costa Rica where I did hundred of pushups and such, I never took more than two weeks off of lifting.  I couldn’t stop or let my gains go.  If you weren’t as fit as me, I totally looked down on you.
Long story short I studied Exercise Science in college and became a Personal Trainer.  The industry sickens me.  It has to be one of the most self-centered environments there is.  I saw literally hundreds of people everyday completely infatuated with themselves, their appearance, how much bigger/sculpted than the person next to them, the mirror, etc.  I grew even more sickened when I realized on some level I was no different. 
Why did I lift weights?  Why did I put so much time and effort into exercise?  Why did I try so hard at simple pickup games that were supposed to be for fun?  Pride.  My image.  Boosting my ego.  I realized a huge reason I lifted weights was aesthetics, which happens to be something I wholeheartedly knock in other people and things.  My aesthetics was just different: in place of fancy clothes, phones, houses and cars, mine was my physique.  
It bothered me so much that I would never be more than ‘decent’ at weights.  It bothered me even more how average I was at sports, even though I had played them my whole life.  The cards I was dealt apparently weren't good enough.  Looking at it now it easily makes sense why I was so dissatisfied.  I made athletics and fitness the center of my life.  That was what was important and if you didn’t take part in it, you were not as good as me.  I harbored an unhealthy competitiveness that has rubbed a lot of people the wrong way.  I sought those things for fulfillment, when real fulfillment only comes from Jesus.  No wonder I was bitter and cynical everyday. 
I had to take a break.  I had to put it down.  My last day at Lifetime Fitness, where it is understandably required that trainers work out everyday, was October 13th, 2012 and I haven’t touched a weight since.  I also stopped playing weekly basketball for a while.  I hated it.  I hated how much I sucked.   If I didn’t score very many points I was bitter.  I realized I made it all about me and getting mine, when ball at church is about everyone else who comes through that door.
I’m still kind of in recovery, if you will, and doing much better.  I’ve started working out again, but only with body weight exercises and running and recreational activities.  I helped a guy I used to work for when I was home for winter.  We had to carry a large couch thing up stairs and I was wheezing.  I was out of breath and it was hard.  That was new for me!!  I was so used to having a mentality of not ever having to worry if I was fit/capable enough to handle something like that.  Needless to say, that bothered me a ton and I set out immediately to get back in shape. 
I will say that helped me to be more sympathetic to those who are not hardcore towards taking care of their bodies.  God uses everything for good.  And now I’m so much more happy and content with exercise.  I've learned to just play the cards I was dealt and be content with that.  This thinking alone has brought me a ton of peace.  I am much more capable of handling the fact I’m not really excellent at anything and it’s okay if I don’t exercise everyday.  There is more to life.  Like Jesus. 

Whether you think you can, or think you can’t, you are usually right.
    -Henry A. Ford

Tax Return

Dang I still don’t have complete trust. I’m ashamed of myself. Ok so whenever I get money I don’t expect, I immediately give it away. The only money I use on myself is money I earned working or selling something. If I acquire money some other way, like if someone gives me some cash, I donate it. My logic is I’m making it with the budget I’m on and I can think of a lot of people who need that money a whole lot more than I do. One time I found $50 on the ground at the train station. I put it in my wallet and put it in the offering plate the next Sunday. But I recently stumbled a bit. I made over a grand on my tax return. I’m not sure how I pulled that off, especially since my AGI was under twelve grand. Anyways, my first thought was selfish. I have a high amount of student debt and I also have a borderline neurosis/complex/infatuation towards it. I’m consumed with ways to get rid of it. So when I saw a thousand big ones, I couldn’t help but think of Wells Fargo and being one step closer to being rid of that ball and chain.
So little trust!!!!!!!! How could I not trust God? How could I not trust that I would have the resources to be a good steward and pay off my debt? How could I make such a bold rule for myself but then be a hypocrite and only follow it when it is convenient? It’s easy to toss $20 at Katie. It’s not a sacrifice to put $50 I found in the offering. But $1,000? That’s definitely not easy to let go of. When you’ve never made more than $17,000 after taxes any year of your life, $1,000 is a lot of money. I believe to truly give of yourself, you have to feel it. Your giving should strain you. If you don’t even feel it when you tithe/donate, then you aren’t giving enough. Jesus most certainly never called us to be comfortable. Not all of us can be overseas in dire situations preaching the word and serving, suffering for Christ. But I believe putting a little extra financial strain on ourselves for the good of others is a practical way to suffer for Him.

I experienced another similar thing recently with trust. I lived here for about six months before I changed my license plates. Well for one thing, I wanted to make sure I was here to stay. But much more importantly I did not want to pay for switching my plates/registration/title/inspection and all that comes with it, when my Illinois registration didn’t expire until June. Ye of so little faith!!! I cannot believe how much I lacked trust. I chose breaking the rules and hoping to get away with it, to save a few bucks, instead of putting faith in God and being a good citizen.
I think there are so many ways we can circumvent the rules a bit, white lie and get away with not paying as much as we are required. I was almost guilty of this while filing my taxes. I’m so used to not mentioning the money I made under the table and doing my returns with that mindset. But all of this has convicted me. There is no need to go behind anyone's back. I think that if you have to hide what you are doing it's either a surprise party or it's wrong.
I feel strongly that if you are completely on board with Jesus and have completely devoted your life to Him, there is no situation where it would be okay to cut corners and not completely follow the rules. God will always provide. We need to trust Him that we will come up with the resources to live out a wholesome, righteous and God-fearing life.

I find the harder I work, the more luck I seem to have. -Thomas Jefferson

I don't need an American consumerism gimmick to tell me when to love my wife.

Today I subbed in a high school.  It was excessive.  Obnoxious even.  There were huge balloons and teddy bears and candy all over the place.  There were tables set up in the halls selling cookies and junk.  I could only shook my head.  Seriously?   We are still doing this?

Have you ever met someone who thinks they are God's gift to the world but are completely oblivious to the unintelligent things they do/say/etc?   To me, that's America.  I feel like that's how other countries look at the US.  Cheerleading, valentines day and fast food drive thrus are just the start. Only in America can you get a pizza to your house faster than an ambulance, do we put our nice cars in the driveway while our garage is full of junk, do we clap in movie theaters. Okay I'm getting off topic.  

To me, valentines day is the same as new years resolutions: you should already have goals. You shouldn't wait for a calendar to make you say, 'hey I better think about/write down what I want to strive for in life.' And the 14th of February is no different. I think you should already be showing your wife/girlfriend/significant other how special they are to you everyday. In my opinion it's asinine to wait for a day to validate that, simply because everyone else is.  Jesus would have no part in dumb American traditions if He were around today.  

Now I know some of you will think something along the lines of, 'well Mills, you're just mad you don't even have a date.' I think that is as predictable as the nice restaurants and flower shops that will be making bank off the gimmick that is mid-February.  You counter with, 'let me know how that works out for you with Mrs. Mills.'  I say, I don't want a girl whose emotions need to be kept afloat with material objects and 'celebrating' a gimmick.  The type of girl that appeals to me is confident in who she is and doesn't want/need valentines day.  

But it's not just valentines day.  I've more or less pretty much adopted a Jehovah's Witness standpoint towards most holidays. I think it is good to get together and see family and I don't mind Thanksgiving. I think it's good to remember Jesus birth and sacrifice on Christmas and Easter. But any other 'holiday' and how we have warped the previously mentioned ones, is not something I'm on board with at all, birthdays included.  

The poorest 5% of Americans are still better off than 2/3 of the rest of the world. If you make $20,000 a year, after taxes, you're among the top 5% of the richest people on earth. Are we seriously and honestly just going to keep blowing that on ourselves, on each other, buying things people don't need and can do without? Christmas is the perfect opportunity to take care of our neighbors, at home and abroad. Jesus calls us to feed his sheep. How can we justify buying more gifts, that you usually will forget you even have in a couple months/years, when there are people who don't have anything to eat today? To me it's a no-brainer. We actually complain that we have too much stuff.

What do christmas trees, stockings, lights, easter eggs, halloween costumes, fireworks, candy hearts, etc. have to do with anything? What's the point of doing something solely because we did it last year and the year before at this time? And who cares if you are one year older? Why would I want to devote a whole day to myself? Americans will make up any reason to party. It's pretty dumb if you think about it. We congratulate people on their birthday as if they actually did something, besides managed not to die for 365 more days.

From the outset, a negative rant was not necessarily my intention. I just think in American society, our focus/vision gets clouded by way toooo many things that don't matter. I think it's important to streamline our lives and trim away the fat, the useless ways we spend our time and money. There is no time to waste. We need to answer His call now.

What you are is God’s gift to you; what you do with yourself is your gift to God.
    -Danish proverb

No more TV

I do not believe in owning a TV. When I have my own place, I will not have a television in my abode.  Not a single one.  I think we waste sooo much time watching TV and movies and don't even get me started on video games.  No way will my kids have any of that.  I see it all as a loss of time.  We become so dependent on it, for things like 'unwinding,' that we don't even know what to do without it.  I think I would have done pretty well if I was this age 50-100 years ago.  I would have thrived under the sense of urgency that comes with if we don't provide for ourselves, we won't make it.  My generation knows little to nothing about that. I would have loved to exist when people actually found something productive, something physical, something actually interacting with other humans, something outdoors to do instead of making camp daily in front of the altar of entertainment.

When we have finished watching a movie or TV show, what have really gained?  We were entertained for 30 or 60 minutes, half of that spent on commercials, often to just dull the stress and hardship of life, or make it go away for a short while.  Now I'm not saying there aren't any pros.  I think fellowship is a great positive. Whenever I get older and I'd like to catch a ball game or something, I think it would be great to do it in community, with a small group of friends/family to enjoy it with.  But for the most part, TV is watched alone or almost alone and has no lasting benefits.

My whole life I have always been the one that hadn't seen the movie.  I got used to it a long time ago.  'Wait, Mills, you haven't seen ______________?!' Nope and it doesn't bother me one bit.  Whenever I bring up this no TV idea people predictably give me the argument that my kids 'won't fit in' and since they won't be on top of the latest pop culture, kids will think they are weird.  ..........Good! Last time I checked, we are called to be in the world, not of it. I have similar feelings towards the internet. There are as many or more negatives as there are positives. I realize the possible foolishness of saying for sure how I will do something in twenty years, but I predict that the net will be much more available and free than it is now. It's just another thing I won't pay for. I won't mind walking to Starbucks or wherever. I'm definitely not saying this is how I think everyone should live, but these are my beliefs and opinions that shape how I live my life.

Now I will admit I spend too much time on the computer. That's why I don't mind it too much when the internet doesn't work for a couple days. In the past I've done media fasts, where I went weeks without any technology except my phone and that was a great idea.
It's not just watching the screens that bothers me, but also the screens themselves. For five and a half years I have been very pro-Mac bu not anymore. Let me clarify. I still think Macs are the best, hands down. You get what you pay for, which is the problem. I cannot believe I spent that much money on a computer. I'm ashamed of myself. It bothers me when people say, 'well a TV is something I'll splurge on.' What? Really? 'Enhancing' our entertainment fix is more important than the people who will spend tonight in boxes on the street?

“If I had asked people what they wanted, they would have said faster horses.” ― Henry Ford

Meetup.com

So I recently came across a website called meetup.com.  Now as I’ve said I’m not into facebook and junk, but this site is pretty awesome.  It connects people with similar interests.  This is something I’m interested in as I generally spend most of my time with people younger than 15 and older than 35.  I’m currently in four different meetup groups: Spanish practice, volunteer, adventure and Christian singles.  What a great way to meet people!  I definitely feel like I have not taken advantage of all the metroplex has to offer, at all.   So on Monday I’m going rock climbing with a group.  I loveee rock climbing and anything similar/outdoors.  But of course, things are only as fun as the people you do them with.  I don’t really know anyone here that also enjoys it, so I’m not going to go by myself.  Plus it’s cheaper with this group.
Today was my first one.  There are multiple groups that meet and just speak conversational Spanish.  I’ve been wanting to do this for a long time so I’m really glad this came up.  This group was pretty much all people who speak Spanish as a second language.  I’m excited to do groups where you are paired with someone trying to learn English.  That’s when you will really learn and I’ve taught English a little bit abroad.
I was surprised at how much I know/remember.  I’ve spoken small talk almost everyday as a sub but that doesn’t mean/show much.  I understood more than 90% of everything I heard.  I could not believe how many seldom-used words I remembered.  I’m excited to go back.  I get frustrated at time thinking about all the time, effort and money I put into Spanish only to never use it, but it’s all still in there, I just have to coax it back out.  I was told by more than one person that I speak well.  I’m planning on going to Mexico for Spring Break so I’m definitely motivated to brush up pretty hard.  I know perfectly well there is a direct correlation between your level of Spanish and how much you can enjoy another country.  I really enjoyed this afternoon and look forward to trying the other groups.
I keep surprising myself at how much I enjoy meeting new people.  One guy knew about Greenville College! I was shocked.  Another lady is part of a house church! I’m very interested in that so I definitely enjoyed learning more.  I’m softened up enough to acknowledge these meetups as one of the many benefits of living in an urban environment.

Do not look down on people simply because they sin differently.

Memphis May Fire

While a lot of things have changed in my life during the past couple months, one that has not is my main taste in music.  I love metal.  I know it's weird, dumb, strange, irritating, and a whole lot of other adjectives to most people, so I try to avoid playing it around people I know do not enjoy it.  I think that if someone has a particular genre they don't like, all of the songs in that genre will sound the same to them and I'm no different.  While I have tried to be more well-rounded and more receptive to other types, I have only experienced modest success.  So I'm glad that there is music that is Christian-themed and metal at the same time.  This makes me think of another artist I enjoy, LeCrae. 

LeCrae belongs in this discussion because he makes music in another genre that has not been typical for ‘Christian’ music.  His rap albums are Jesus-themed and also quite popular.
Rick Warren, in his popular book The Purpose Driven Life, kills it for me in chapter 8.  He says, "even worse, ‘worship’ is often misused to refer to a particular style of music.....worship has nothing to do with the style or volume or speed of a song.  God loves all kinds of music because he invented it all.....If it is offered to God in spirit and truth, it is an act of worship....Christians often disagree over the style of music used in worship.....But there is no biblical style!...There is no such thing as ‘Christian’ music, only Christian lyrics.....If I played a song for you without the words, you’d have no way of knowing if it were a ‘Christian’ song." 
I think this type of music can reach people who wouldn’t hear the message any other way.  I know the amount of people who listen to metal is not huge, but it exists.  One time I went and saw Impending Doom at a concert that was mostly secular.  The lead singer of this Christian deathcore band did not hesitate one bit, "I don’t care if you hate me, if you hate what I believe, if you hate everything I stand for, I just want you to know that Jesus loves you and died for your salvation."
On Friday night, I finally went to a DFW concert and saw Memphis May Fire.  I've been here half a year and it's still weird to me that bands I like are less than 20 miles away.  I met some kids from a CFB school, so that was cool.  However, overall the show was not a good experience.  Grandpa Mills is officially done with concerts.  My back was killing me from standing for hours in line and then at the concert, I grew weary of getting kicked in the head by crowd surfing high schoolers and live music doesn't even sound good.  I can't believe I spent money on that.  But I guess I have no room to complain because I did it to myself.  Longgg story short, I learned my lesson.  As always I have to learn the hard way.  The things of this world will not satisfy you.  There is nothing on earth that can fill our God-shaped chasm, as I fondly like to call it.  I just watch people everyday try to make themselves satisfied with things that will never truly make them happy.  We need Jesus, plain and simple.  That money I spent on entertainment and myself is gone.  It has no lasting value.  But contentment in God alone will bring you a peace like no other. 

“Everybody is a genius. But if you judge a fish by its ability to climb a tree, it will live its whole life believing that it is stupid.”

― Albert Einstein

Skyfall, Homeschool and no more DLS

Last Friday night I unfortunately skipped skyping my sister to be social and go to the dollar theater to watch James Bond Skyfall. I'm officially done with recreationally watching movies. I've had it. Any movie that would remotely draw my interest usually requires me to drop my head multiple times, to avoid the scantily clad females and insinuated sex scenes. And that's just the start of the list of things to avoid. I feel like as a Christian there are much better ways to use my time. I have definitely noticed that since Katie, I don't even enjoy any movies that much anymore. But this particular evening it was more obvious than ever.

Even if you take away my new way of thinking, Skyfall sucked. It was so predictable. I felt like it was a watered down version of previous Bond films, mixed with a little Bourne, a little Batman and a little Mission Impossible. The 'bad guy' sucked. He wasn't bad enough or believable and just plain strange. They all but abandoned the plot over half way through. The excessively drawn out intro was unnecessary. The movie felt like it was four hours long and the ending was just plain bad. This film perfectly illustrates the country I no longer want to be a part of. It’s just frustrating to me that I canceled on sister for that. I have no respect anymore for Rotten Tomatoes, if they are going to give that garbage 92%.
Secondly, I've thought a lot about it in recent months. I know I have a bad habit of saying I'm going to do things in the future, in a strong-willed manner. I should make a list of things I say that draw responses like, 'son, you say that now, but you just wait....' But as of now, I'd like to homeschool my kids, at least up until high school. Obviously that requires a spouse to also be on board with that, but this hypothetical for now.

As a sub, I get to first-hand witness how much time is wasted by students everyday and how much pointless busy work they have to do. I feel like the high achieving kids receive the least amount of attention and their skills are not recognized very well or pushed to their potential. I also get to see how a public school can often be a negative influence on a kid. The list goes on and on. I'm not going to talk about all the benefits of homeschooling, but some of the bigger reasons include more time spent with your kid, no more busy work, 'do school' instead of have homework and notes shoved down your throat, freedom/independence, customization and flexibility. I think the benefits far outweigh the cons, such as it's difficult to evangelize to non-believers you encounter in public school, it's difficult to play organized sports and social skills are often a bit behind.
And last but not least, I propose four changes to the way America does things. 1. I think we should be on army time. That would make life easier and eliminate a lot of confusion. Just the other day I had a friend say, 'well I didn't get up in time because I set my alarm for 8 pm on accident instead of 8 am....' 2. I think we should get rid of Day Light Savings. It's outdated and unnecessary. Fall is my favorite season and it gets dark at like 4:30. When I was in high school I'd go to basketball practice before school and it'd be dark. Then I'd leave after evening practice and it'd be dark. 3. I think we should switch to the metric system. It'd make a whole lot more sense. It's so much easier to convert to larger measurements and it's how the rest of the world does it.

4. I think we should have a set calendar. Important days would be on the same day every year. This would eliminate a lot of hassle. Here is an interesting piece on that.

A true test of character is being able to continue working towards your goals at the worst of times

Hitchhiking

I don't even remember how I discovered that Craiglist has rideshare threads but I did.  And this is my story about grabbing a ride off of a truck driver. Sooo for winter break 2012, I drove home. It was definitely nice that as a sub, I got two weeks off. I have a really solid friend that lives in western Tennessee, so I drove to his house. I left at 4am, because that's how I roll and to beat rush hour traffic, and I got there by 12:30 pm. He is from Wisconsin so he dropped me off in Illinois on his way home. That worked well, especially since I hadn't seen him in a while. And I'll do just about anything to save a buck or two. He ended up having to get back to Tennessee sooner than he thought to take care of some obligations. I didn't travel 750 miles to be there for only four days, especially when I didn't work again for at least ten more days. But no worries; I love adventure. So I spent the next week trying to figure out how I was going to get back to his house, or at least Memphis. I posted on the Springfield Craigslist rideshare thread that I was a Christian in my 20s, looking for a ride to Memphis. A few days later I got a text from a guy named Tyler. He told me he was a Christian and he regularly passes through Springfield on his way back home to Memphis in his truck. Yes, this whole thing is a bit sketchy but I just didn't naively take the first thing that came along. I spent some time getting to know him as we spoke on the phone. He seemed legit and all I owed him was some company, as the long hours on the road were lonely. So on a Friday, I went with my mom to her classroom to help in the second grade, went to my bro's basketball game, then went to meet my grandma, who took me to the truck stop to meet Tyler at midnight.

I had never been in a semi truck before. It was definitely an adventure. I learned some nuances about truck driving, like the left lane is called the hammer lane and most trucks have a chip that doesn't allow them to go faster than 60 or 65, so now I understand why they pass each other so slowly. I usually get to bed by 10-10:30 pm but I didn't get any shut eye until 10:30 am the next day. Being awake for 27.5 hours straight was definitely a PR for me. It was interesting to me that after the 4am drowsiness, staying awake after that wasn't difficult at all. We drove all through the night. My friend was a little late in coming to pick me up, which wasn't a big deal. Tyler was cool with me chilling at his place for a while. He was an interesting guy with somewhat of a crazy past. I love deep, thought-provoking and engaging discussions and he more than entertained me with that. I don't think any one single question surprised him as much as all of them together did. Most people don't really ask about/talk about the things I bring up. Once we got back to my friend's house, I slept for like six hours and my circadian rhythm was back to normal. It was an experience that I'll probably never forget, one I'll probably do again and a risk I'm glad I took.
Everyone told me I was crazy. Everyone wanted me to spend some money and get to Memphis a different, more 'sophisticated' way. Instead I made a new friend, got to try something new, a risk paid off, I got to talk about Jesus and got to live the adventurous life that I love. I wouldn't recommend it to everyone and I'm not saying we should just blindly toss ourselves to the wolves but I also don't think Jesus called us to live our life under a rock. How are we supposed to meet new people and talk to them about the gospel, if we just sit in our comfortable suburban homes, attend our cozy suburban churches, always afraid to step out in faith and out of our comfort zones?

Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as working for the Lord, not for men. Colossians 3:23

Bleacher Report

I always said in college that if I didn't get degrees in Spanish and Exercise Science, I would have enjoyed studying Journalism or Psychology.  I loveee trying to figure out why people behave the way they do.  I found both my psychology classes in college interesting.  But I guess, now that I think about it, I'm not sure what one does with a Psych major.  Anyways, whenever I meet someone, I always have to know how old they are, where they are from and other similar information, because it helps explain why they do certain things.
In high school I really enjoyed Journalism class and writing for the school newspaper. I loved getting the information, making the sentences perfect, presenting new and creative ideas, putting the pictures together, etc. My favorite was sports journalism. I loved divulging my opinions on football and basketball and the latest story lines in those sports, at any level. I always told myself to write for the Greenville school paper, but I never did.

At the very beginning of 2012 I came across a website called bleacherreport.com. It's a sports website and all the contributors are amateurs. Then I found an ad to apply and do it myself! I was pretty excited and applied immediately. I knew I was a decent writer with ideas that were not common or everyday. I got accepted and got to work right away. I loved getting all the facts and sentences and ideas just right. I know some people would think writing articles would be boring but I found it quite enjoyable. I also became almost-obsessed with the view/comment counts. It keeps track of how many people see the article and at certain plateaus you get rewards that help you move up the ladder. When I published a piece, I would constantly check the article's progress and stats. I learned a lot from that experience. I learned that I did not know anywhere near as much as I used to about sports, that I shouldn't write about things I'm not an expert in, among other things. After Katie, I also realized that it was a waste of my time. It wasn't even hard to let it go. I did not have to wrestle with giving B/R up because there was no way I could justify regularly keeping up on millionaires who carry a ball across a white line, let alone several hours writing articles. There's no way seriously following and even looking up to babies who play a game was a good idea. There is no time to waste. We have to answer God's mission now. I could not see how B/R would help me further the Kingdom. And if I was going to be good at it, I'd have to spend even more hours on ESPN just so I would know what the heck I was talking about. After the SuperBowl, which I'm watching right now, I'm not even going to get on ESPN.com or bleacherreport.com for a while, probably until LeBron is in the Finals.  
Now I already have a post about sports so I'm not saying I'm cutting it off completely.  But now I just see it as a way to be social, so I doubt I'll spend time on it anymore if it's by myself.
It looks like the Ravens are going to win and I don't mind seeing Ray Lewis go out on top.  No player in history has ever won The Big Game 12 years apart.  

Hard work beats talent, when talent doesn’t work hard.