Katie

I cannot wait any longer.
Toward the end of 2012, I read Katie Davis’s story and God used it to completely change my life.  Never have I ever been so humbled, inspired and convicted.  Several ideas that I will talk about on this blog either were inspired by her story or strengthened by it.

A close friend named Grant told me to read her book called Kisses From Katie.  Grant is a Christian and friend I hold in high esteem and have a ton of respect for, so I don’t take his recommendations lightly.  I’m too cheap to buy anything, so luckily after while I discovered a friend had a copy I could borrow and I started reading immediately. 
Katie was a high schooler who had everything going for her.  I don’t remember all the exacts but she was class president, top of her class, homecoming queen etc.  Her family was well-off and she had college all laid out, ready to achieve American dreams.  But something wasn’t right.
She later said she always wanted to do missions of some sort.  After some serious convincing, her parents finally let her go serve in Africa and she never looked back.  She started her own full-blown ministry that serves orphans and desperate people in some of the worst poverty situations.  She supports dozens of kids going to school who wouldn’t be able to otherwise.  Education is vital to breaking the cycle of hopelessness, because without it they can't get a job and climb out of poverty.
She had to chose serving God over her family, over her dreams, over her plans, hopes and ideas.  As she says, ‘I quit my life,' and chose to spend it in Africa because that is what God called her to do.

There is no way I can do her justice on a blog.  But her story punched me in the face more ways than I can count.  She made me realize that I wasn’t even a Christian and that I never truly submitted to God’s will.  Matthew 16:24-25 hit me like a ton of bricks.  “Then Jesus said to his disciples, "If any of you wants to be my follower, you must turn from your selfish ways, take up your cross, and follow me.  If you try to hang on to your life, you will lose it. But if you give up your life for my sake, you will save it.”
I had heard it several times before but this time it really hit home.  I just realized that I had never truly given my life to Christ.  I was going through the motions and all my life decisions were based on what I wanted.  I actually spent more time and effort making it look like I had it together and was a solid Christian, than actually living like one.  I knew what I had to do.  I have given it all do to Him, followed her example of surrender and committed the rest of my life to serving Him. 
It has been crazy getting to know myself, getting to know the new Mills and actually being a real Christian.  There are so many things that I used to devote time to, that used to be important, that I realized are meaningless.  I don’t obsessively workout, I hardly follow pro sports and I don’t even mind anymore that I don’t live in the country.   Now I actually like meeting and talking to people, I enjoy subbing Kindergarten and I’m much more laid back and easy-going.
Peace.  Peace is how I know where I’m supposed to be.  Ever since college I have been plagued by the severest kind of discontent with life and myself.  No matter what I did, how hard I worked, what I accomplished, none of it could fill the God-shaped chasm in my soul and I carried myself with a cynical bitterness towards life.  Now that is all gone.  The Holy Spirit has entered me and changed me.  I have an unbelievable peace, everyday, in knowing my life is not my own and living for something greater than myself.

“The cross beckons the man who is sick of himself.” - Damon Thompson

Works vs. Faith

For some reason this seems to be a reoccurring debate.  It has come to my attention because we are studying James.  I've been told that James is one of the most difficult books to reconcile with the others in the New Testament, because it talks so much about doing good works.  So I decided to clear it up for myself, in my own words. 
We are repeatedly told that faith is 'enough' and that there is nothing we can do to earn eternity.  Jesus already paid the price for our salvation.   Galatians 2:16 "Yet we know that a person is made right with God by faith in Jesus Christ, not by obeying the law. And we have believed in Christ Jesus, so that we might be made right with God because of our faith in Christ, not because we have obeyed the law. For no one will ever be made right with God by obeying the law.”
However, James 2:17 says, "Unless it produces good deeds, it is dead and useless."  This past Sunday, pastor Caleb said, "if you want to see if someone is saved, look at their fruit."  I think that is so true.  Your fruit, or lack of, represents your faith.  Or lack of.  Someone without good works proves their faith is non-existent.  I think all the other verses about faith are still true.  James never says works alone are what you need. 
If you truly had faith, believed in Jesus death and resurrection and were filled with the Holy Spirit, there's no way you could stand to go through life not doing good works, content to do nothing and not act on your beliefs.  The drive to serve, the urge to bear fruit, the inner voice prompting you to sacrifice more would be irrepressible. 

"I believe in the sun
even when it is not shining
And I believe in love,
even when there's no one there.
And I believe in God,
even when he is silent."

-Holocaust wall

Simple Church

I do not want to attend a church that has, and/or finds it socially acceptable to have, Beemers, Mercedes, Audis, Volvos etc. in the parking lot.  No Land Rovers, Corvettes or big fancy trucks.  How can we be sold out for Jesus and honestly own those vehicles, and then actually have the nerve to drive them to church?  How can we seemingly almost put our identity into a piece of metal that we can't take with us?  How can we be okay with $20,000 or $30,000 or even $50,000 wheels?  How can one possibly call themselves a Christian and put so much importance into luxury, comfort and keeping-up-with-the-joneses, when there are people literally starving to death, right now?  People that have never heard the message. 
I don't just have it out for cars.  They are just an illustration of a much greater problem, that are easy to pick on as they sit nice and pretty, on display to and from church.  
This is the type of church I want to raise my family in.  Simple, practical and efficient.  I do not want my kids raised in a huge church that spends crazy amounts on things I would classify as 'aesthetics.'  How can a church continue to devote any resources, let alone a large amount of resources, to making itself bigger and nicer, when Jesus calls us to feed His sheep?  Millions of people urgently need us right now.  In this short article it says, ".....where they like to say they 'do church,' rather than 'go to church,'" and, "If you look at the Bible, the church we have today is nowhere to be found......."  It's so true!!  To me there is no justification for a mega church. 
I've been reading the book Radical and the author David Platt shares many of these sentiments. To be honest though, in my opinion, you can read the gist of the book in just the first chapter.  There are thought-provoking stories and such throughout the rest of it, but he hits is pretty hard in the first 21 pages. 

David Platt was a pastor at a mega church and talks about how Jesus spent the majority of his time with only 12 men and was known for turning away crowds.   "Whenever the crowd got big, he'd say something such as, 'unless you eat the flesh of the Son of Man and drink his blood, you have no life in you.'  Not the sharpest church-growth tactic.......Jesus apparently wasn't interested in marketing himself to the masses.  His invitations to potential followers were clearly more costly than the crowds were ready to accept, and he seemed okay with that......Soon I realized I was on a collision course with an American church culture where success is defined by bigger crowds, bigger budgets, and bigger buildings....."
"Ultimately, Jesus was calling them to abandon themselves.....(but we) twist him into a version of Jesus we are more comfortable with. A nice, middle-class, American Jesus. A Jesus who brings us comfort and prosperity as we live out our Christian spin on the American dream."
"On the left one headline read, 'First Baptist Church Celebrates new $23 Million Building'.....On the right was a much smaller article.  The headline for it read, 'Baptists have raised $5,000 to send to refugees dying of malnutrition in Sudan'.....How did we get to the place where this is actually tolerable?"

"We have replaced radical with comfortable.  But to follow Him, we need to abandon everything: needs, desires and family.  Luke 14:33 says, 'you cannot be my disciple unless you give up everything.'"
"God has created each of us to take the gospel to the ends of the earth, and I propose that anything less than radical devotion to His purpose is unbiblical Christianity."

Jesus never called us to be comfortable. We cannot settle for less than radical obedience. We must abandon ourselves.

Texas Top/Not Top Ten

I love making lists.  After six-ish months, these are my favorite and no-so-favorite things about The Lone Star State, in no particular order.
Top Ten:
1. bible belt-There are churches every five feet and even people who are not really Christians are somewhat familiar with it.  It is not strange for someone to talk to you about Jesus.  The other day, I had a flyer, in Spanish, for a church and how to be a Christian, under my windshield wiper. 
2. Football-It is ridiculous.  If you want to play a spring sport, instead of spring ball and weights, you won't even be on the team by Fall, let alone sit the bench.  Everything you hear about the culture of Texas football is an understatement.  Last year a local high school opened their $60 million dollar stadium and we went for a game.

3. Diversity and Spanish-Most of the classes I sub for never have more than two or three white kids.  There's obviously a large Hispanic population but there is also significant numbers of African-Americans, Asians and Indians as well.  I'm totally jealous of the diversity these kids grow up with.  And I love speaking Spanish everyday in class. 
4. Genghis Grill/Which Wich-These are my two new favorite restaurants, founded by the same guy, in Dallas.  Any other Mongolian grill restaurants are rip-offs.  And the menu is on the Which Wich bag, so after checking exactly what you want, you never even have to speak to worker in the shop.  I found my new Headwest........

5. 75 mph speed limit-In between Texarkana and Dallas, you can make decent time doing 80 and you don't have to worry that you are speeding. 
6. No State Income Tax
7. geckos/cacti-If there were still just white-tailed deer and cardinals, I'd be disappointed. 
8. weather-Nine-ish months a year, the weather is awesome.  It was 75 this week.  It's January. 
9. relatively low cost of living-You always hear about the high prices of gas and things, in California and Chicago and New York.  Not here.  And WalMart is still WalMart.  ALDI is still ALDI. 
10. Home to- Pantera, Memphis May Fire, Adrian Peterson,

And of course, the Not Top Ten:
1. Texas Pledge of Allegiance-It is actually required that students stand up and say the pledge to the Texas flag.  My first day subbing, they said this after the regular pledge and I was like, 'what the heck is going on.'  I thought it was a joke.

2. Texas history class-For some reason I don't remember learning about Illinois history back in the day.  Maybe because Lincoln is US history too.  Anyways, I love my new state, but I would say it's borderline brainwashing.  I was thumbing through one book, and I'm not making this up, it said that Christopher Columbus came to the New World looking for Texas. 
3. State Inspections/Welcome Tax/Tollways-It is required for all drivers to get routine car inspections to cut down on the emissions.  Apparently Texas was fined by the EPA for that.  Basically all they did for mine was plug a fancy OBD system up.  They charge you a $90 License plate change ‘Welcome to Texas Tax.'  Really? And the tolls.  The North Dallas area is definitely a more affluent and that happens to be where all the tolls are.   They are very expensive so I always avoid them.  One time we went to a Rangers game and it cost more in tolls, there and back, than the ticket for the game.  And if you don't have a tag, they will take a picture of your license and send you the bill, which will be more expensive.  I used to take President George Bush Turnpike to work sometimes:

4. turn signals/Dallas Traffic/school zones-It's like clockwork.  Whenever someone changes lanes in front of me, they never use their turn signal.  And I shouldn't complain about traffic, especially since it's not really a problem where I'm at.  It's to be expected but compared to what I'm used to it's terrible.  I had training downtown one time and it took me over an hour to get home, which was like 12 miles at the time.  It is beyond me how people choose to do a commute like that everyday.  And in Texas people actually slow down in school zones.  I understand it, it's just not my favorite when there's only one big main road where you are going and there is a school every quarter mile. 
5. Texas pride-I've gotten used to it.  Most of them don't even know they are doing it.  Texas is pretty great and enjoyable, so most of it is on some level, dare I say it, justified.  But it still will wear you out.  Sometimes students or friends will start in on it, and I'll cut them off, 'have you ever even lived or even been anywhere else? How do you even know?' More often than not, no, they haven't. 

6."Winter"-It is amusing how people here handle any kind of precipitation or cooler temperatures.  Luckily I was gone when it snowed in December.  I can't even imagine people here trying to drive in that, especially after seeing them drive in the rain.  In November I was running/training for my Turkey Trot race on a park path.  It was beautiful 58 degrees, like perfect for doing anything athletic.  I'm passing these people in light coats, gloves and stocking caps.  It was so weird.  And what the heck is a freeze warning?  I was confused the first time I heard the term.  They act like nearing 32º is like watching for funnel clouds. 

7. Cowboy fans-If you make fun of Tony Romo, they'll be all over you.  But they can rag on him all they want.  Just like a parent to their kid.  Once again, I chose to live here, so I'll deal with it. 
8. Summer- It seriously is sweltering.  When I first got here, I was like, 'why the heck would anyone choose to live here?'  I realized later that the awesome weather the rest of the year makes it worth it.  But during that time, super high AC bills and sweating on your way to work and after you take a shower at night, is no fun at all.  But I do have to admit, you get used to it a bit.

9. turn lane bumps-I don't run into these very much, but they exist.  I have found people are much more accepting of things that don't go their way, when they understand why it happened or what it is.  I have no idea what the point is.  I guess I should explain.  To mark a turn lane, every couple feet there will be one of these oversized disks.  They stick up like five, six inches in the air.  Not too good on the ole hatchback. 

10.colloquialisms-I'm really scraping the bottom of the barrel here, to find something else to even make this list.  I'm still not a fan of the word "y'all."  But surprisingly that is like the only hint of an accent I ever hear.  The general perception of Texas, or at least mine was, there would be a heavy southern accent.  But I have discovered that doesn't really ring true in urban areas.  Oh and some of them don't know how to say 'Illinois.'  They pronounce the 's.'

Whatever your hands find to do, do it with all your might…
Ecclesiastes 9:10

Spinach

The past couple of nights I haven't slept well. I tried to think about what I wasn't doing right. I thought back to a similar situation. For a long time, especially since getting sick in my stomach and throwing up at LifeTime, my stomach has hurt off and on. Then I realized, I wasn't getting enough leafy greens. I've been regularly eating spinach ever since and had zero problems. Then I realized that if exercised more, I would sleep better. On days I don't necessarily exercise, I can much more easily get away with six hours of sleep. When I was obsessed with exercise, I could never understand how people could go multiple days in a row with six or less, no problem. Now I understand. So how many trips to the doc and medicine purchases could be avoided if people just thought about how you are supposed to take care of your body and how they are differing from that? Soon I'll talk about what happened to exercise in my life.
Today I officially decided the grades I enjoy subbing the most is 6th grade and under. When I first started, I would have wholeheartedly assumed it would be the opposite. Older kids are not much fun. First of all, as a sub not much is required. You give them their assignment and then you don't really do anything the rest of class, except make sure they are on task. With younger kids, you actually teach more, you interact with and help them. It's so much more enjoyable. And the older kids are so focused on themselves they most certainly don't care about you. As a whole, they are disrespectful, lazy and just do whatever they want. I thought it was amusing to realize that teens actually and truly, in my opinion, need to be babysat more than younger kids. All I did today was walk around the computer lab and say, 'please get off YouTube and work on your assignment.' 'Please get off Facebook and stay on task.' Little kids actually do what you ask them to unless they have behavior problems.
Most people with a college degree currently have a job in something other than what they studied. I like to ask people what they would have studied, knowing what they know now. Recently that was asked of me, and I didn't have an answer. But now I think I would have studied something along the lines of 4th grade ESL, because that has easily been my favorite. I love speaking Spanish with them. The kids are sponges, they are young enough to actually follow your authority and old enough to have some sort of personality and conversation. Greenville would have been great for both of those. And summers off!! At this point, I've spent my whole life at a desk and I'm sick of it. And the last thing I want is to accumulate more loans. But Texas has an Alternative Education Degree that is accelerated for a year. Something to consider.

"Physical fitness is the first requisite of happiness. In order to achieve happiness, it is imperative to gain mastery of your body. If at the age of 30 you are stiff and out of shape, you are old. If at 60 you are supple and strong then you are young."  Joseph Pilates

'Mexican' DMV

So yesterday, I had an, for a lack of a better word, interesting experience. I'm in this packed DMV and there's all kinds of races and different people. It was only like 1:00 pm and I waited over 1.5 hours. Anyways, this big ole Texan, an older Caucasian man, gets a phone call. He proceeds to have a lengthy phone conversation obnoxiously loud. Keep in mind, it is a packed room, so everyone within 20 feet has to listen to him. He starts off, "Ah h---, I'm down here at this Mexican DMV,.....yeah there's so many g--d--- Chinese and Mexicans in here, I've been waiting over an hour......" It was appalling. He just kept carrying on. I really felt like asking him when he was finished if he was a Native American Indian, and then telling him to kick himself out, because he's an immigrant, same as the Mexicans. Just so you know this is about to go from somewhat reasonable to typical Mills left-field opinionated. I greatly dislike the disdain and contempt that Americans, particularly older Americans, have for Mexicans and other immigrants. Why are we any better than other people? Our ancestors had to immigrate here too. I hate the pledge of allegiance. I am not a Patriot. I do not belong to the USA. I belong to the Kingdom of God. We are called to love and make disciples of all nations. I'm super glad, looking back, that I never signed up for the National Guard or Military or Marines. Now don't hear me incorrectly: I think it is valiant and commendable what those people sacrifice, especially on a humanitarian level. I really do. But I think it is completely wrong to think US citizens are better than human beings from other countries. Our blood isn't golden. Are we really going to look down on these Hispanic parents for trying to get their kids out of poverty and make sure they have a better life than what they grew up in? In a similar situation, wouldn't we behave in the same way? As long as they follow the rules, I don't have a problem with it.

On a happier note, today I had 3rd grade and it was quite enjoyable.  It was on the second floor! That was crazy to me.  I almost tripped on the steps going up but then I looked down and realized they were only about four inches tall each.  I also had my first tooth-loosing experience. "Mister!! Mister!! He has to go to the nurse!! He lost a tooth!!"  "Easyyy kid.  Calmate, take a chill pill." Ain't goin' ta no nurse.  Gave him a kleenex and it was back to work. 

 “The longer I live, the more I realize the impact of attitude on life. Attitude, to me, is more important than facts. It is more important than the past, than education, than money, than circumstances, than failures, than successes, than what other people think or say or do. It is more important than appearance, giftedness, or skill. It will make or break a company ... a church ... a home. The remarkable thing is we have a choice every day regarding the attitude we will embrace for that day. We cannot change the inevitable. The only thing we can do is play on the one string we have, and that is our attitude ... I am convinced that life is 10% what happens to me, and 90% how I react to it. And so it is with you ... we are in charge of our Attitudes."
 --Charles Swindoll

A Piece of Me Died Today

When I was in college, I made a sign as a joke.  It was called, 'The Measure of A Man Equation,' which equaled=GPA X Bench Press Max X Where You Are From.  Most of my friends were smart or heavy weight lifters, but usually not both.  I was never anything amazing at Bench Press, but it was decent compared to the average joe and I had a high GPA, so the equation favored me.  Then I had a separate scale to rate where you are from, that went something like this:
6-Illinois
5-Wisconsin, Indiana, Missouri
4-Midwestern States
3-Foreign Country
2-East/West Coast
anddddddd
1-Texas, California, Florida

Here I am, joyfully and happily writing this from a state at the bottom of the totem pole.  A state I have held with disdain.  A state that rubbed me the wrong way from all the uber-proud Texans I have met in my travels and at college.  A state that is home to the most tiresome fan base in sports, which I wrote an article on and held back nothing.   And a state that I now love and quite enjoy.  Irony. 
I had known I wanted to leave Illinois for a long time. I always tell people I'm proud of where I come from and I know a lot of great people there. But it was time to try something new. I lived in Illinois for over two decades and that was more than plenty. I'm a firm believer in constantly challenging yourself. Whenever you stay in the same place, in the same situation, never leaving your comfort zone, it is difficult to develop, grow and build character.

With that said, it was not the easiest thing to change my plates. It means I officially left my beloved midwestern Abe Lincoln soil for a state that has seriously attempted to secede from the rest of the US and be it's own country.  If Texas were a country, in 2009 it would have ranked 14th in the world for largest GDP. And it would rank in the top 50 for population. And now I'm starting to sound like I'm from here.......Anyways, the process to transfer my title, etc. was pretty expensive. People always talk about how great Texas is because there isn't a State Income Tax and outside of traffic costs and tolls, the Dallas area really does have a relatively low cost of living. But I say, you make up for that when you have to pay for the oxy-moron '$90 Welcome to Texas Tax,' Vehicle Inspection, and so on. But I'm glad it's over now.
Whenever I tell someone I'm originally from Illinois, probably 8 times out of 10, they say, 'oh, you're from Illinoise, what part of Chicago?' I tell them I've never heard of Illinoise and that I have enough fingers to count how many times I've ever been to Chicago. But I hear these things enough, they aren't even annoying anymore. Then they asked why I moved and it usually surprises them when I say I wanted to try something new. This is definitely a great place to do it. I haven't started saying y'all yet, but I love it.

"Life is what happens to you while you’re busy making other plans." -John Lennon

Volunteering MLK Day in Farmer's Branch

 So today I had an interesting experience in Farmers Branch, Tx.  It’s MLK day, so Adam is out of luck for sub jobs because there is no school.  In Illinois, my first thought would be to do an odd job or two, to fill the day.  But life is not all about making money.  And I’m not plugged in well enough here yet on that kind of stuff.  Plus, most of that work is done by Mexicans.  Anddd, I’m not done with excuses, because most people have yards the size of a kitchen and don’t require much yard work.

So I decided to volunteer at MetroCrest Social Services, which is completely centered around keeping people from being homeless.  They help people get jobs, teach GED classes and most of all have a drive-through-like food pantry.  Depending on the size of their family, they could take a certain amount of veggies, bread, meat, etc.  It was cool to work with the staff and various volunteers as well as take the actual ‘clients’ through the line, while getting to know them, and help them pick out these goods and get them to their car.  They said it was a relative slow day and I didn’t sit down once. I love being put to work and I look forward to going back.  I decided to start doing this, well one, because Jesus calls us to feed His sheep and take care of the less fortunate, but also because as a sub, I often only get half-day sub jobs.  So I figured I’d use the other half to volunteer.  I found out as the day wore on though, that a lot of the non-staff helpers were actually people serving community service hours.  Some of them had a hard time believing that I was there just to volunteer, which caught me off guard a bit.  Once again, I found myself in a situation as the odd one out.  But I didn’t mind.  We should enjoy the company of ‘ordinary’ people.  I actually like meeting people now and I enjoyed getting to know different people from many various walks of life.  A lot of retired people help out there for something to do.  One time I was told that if you’re old you should talk to young people and vice versa.  I always try to give them the time of day and hopefully glean some wisdom from their stories.  And every time I work on my patience because they do everything so slowly.  But usually it’s worth it.

I also found out I got the job I applied for this summer.  I’m going to be going on tour with CIY Mix, which is the Christ In Youth Conference that goes all over the country, holding week long Christian conferences for junior high students.  My responsibility will be to manage setting up all of the outdoor things such as huge group games and sports.
I love adventure.  I love the challenge of new and somewhat unknown possibilities and opportunities.  I will love to work with and help serve the kids.  I will love to travel the US and see some new country.  I will love to rub elbows with solid Christian leaders.  I will love having a temporary job.  I don’t believe in the word career.  I hate the idea of being tied down by a boring job.  But I’ll get to that later.  Anyways, I think that if you don’t have a couple stories to tell at the end of a day, it was probably wasted.  I could have easily used today to ‘relax’ or indulge myself some other way, but I’m glad I decided to step out and try something new.

“There’s a difference between interest and commitment. When you’re interested in doing something, you do it only when circumstance permits. When you’re committed to something, you accept no excuses, only results.” -John Wooden

Brothers Bowl

Is this serious?  This might be better than Kobe vs. LeBron in the Finals.  I cannot believe that the two coaches in this year’s SuperBowl are brothers.  I won’t see any ESPN in the next two weeks, but for once I can say the media hyping this up is almost justified.  What are the chances?
Personally I would have also thought that it would have been pretty interesting if the Patriots would have won because of how similar Tom Brady and Colin Kaepernick’s sophomore campaigns are.  Tom Brady didn’t see hardly any time his rookie year. Kaep=check.  Tom Brady stepped in for an injured seasoned veteran, his second year. Kaep=check.  Tom Brady played so well, that when the seasoned vet was healthy enough to return, he kept his starting job. Kaep=check.  Tom Brady led an unprecedented run to the Big Game. Kaep=check.
How can you not like this kid?

It’s so hard to pick a winner.  Kap tore up Green Bay and then they clearly demonstrated they can win when his big plays are limited.  And it took them forever to get settled in, which caused them to fall behind but still came back.  But at the same time, the magical Ray Lewis emotion train seems unstoppable.  Well as long as Flacco keeps his ‘Good Cop’ routine going.  Watching Lewis go out on top Bettis and Elway style would be pretty cool.

“The greater danger for most of us lies not in setting our aim too high and falling short; but in setting our aim too low, and achieving our mark.” Michelangelo