Introverted

I always used to pride myself on being an introvert.  I thought really extroverted people were annoying and just wanted attention.  I also used to find it irritating when people would call me shy.  I think that word does not describe me what-so-ever, save very specific and uncommon situations.  In my opinion there are roughly two types of introverts: shy ones and reserved ones.  I would definitely call my personality reserved.  A reserved person is not scared of public speaking; they just sit and watch a bit before volunteering ideas.  In high school and college, I seldom raised my hand to offer my thoughts.  That wasn't because I was afraid of what people would think; usually I simply didn't think the discussion was of interest and didn't apply to me.  

I never used to care to meet people.  I did not like meeting new people at all, especially since I didn't see the purpose.  I didn't like being in uncomfortable social situations.  Since I never bothered to meet new people, I never really developed those skills, until more recently.  And as I have delved into the joy that is meeting people, I have realized more fully how selfish I really was.

I'm not going to sit here and say everyone who is introverted is selfish.  But for me, it was selfish.  I preferred to sit in my comfortable bubble.  I didn't think these people I didn't know had anything to offer, anything of benefit to me.  I'd much rather have been by myself.  I preferred my own company, most of the time, to others.  To God's children.  

I definitely 100% think we all need recharge our batteries.  For introverts, that usually involves time alone.  But for this introvert it was excessive.  I wanted to do everything alone.  Most people weren't worthy of my time.  I hateddd group projects.  I hated having my grade depend on people who were not as good as students as me.  I'd say roughly a third of the time in my life, I just told the rest of the group that I would do the whole thing, just so it would get done the way I wanted.  I did many things by myself.  I lifted alone, I did my homework alone, I listened to music alone, etc. 

All the personality tests I ever do always spit out that I'm a lion, leader, dominant or something similar, so I always thought it was interesting that I was also an introvert.  I'm very curious as to how a leader can be introverted.  I think I kind of figured it out.  

I love meeting people.  I'm getting decent at it.  I have to be honest though I'm much better at it when I can kind of corner them.  For example, I went to a local mega church to check out their young adult service.  It had over 100 people in their twenties, loud music, lights, just a very social atmosphere and I didn't do very well.  Contrast that with the homeless shelter I volunteer at and there is usually only three or four other workers there, at most, that I haven't met.  And I eat that up. I'm not used to being the more forward person, the one who introduces themselves to everyone and asks all the questions.  I love learning about people, asking where they are from, what they do, where they went to college, etc.  I have made such an effort at it recently that it all starts to run together.  I can't remember most of any of their answers from the questions I asked, the first time I saw them and I kind of feel bad.  And dumb when I ask the same questions again.  

I just never knew what I was capable of.  My demeanor will probably always be introverted but I can definitely be social when I need/want to, especially now that I see how enjoyable it is, on top of how vital it is to carry out His mission.  I can totally be a leader and deal with many different types of people; I just need time to recharge the batteries and I'll be good.

Are you part of the solution or part of the problem?