Tax Return

Dang I still don’t have complete trust. I’m ashamed of myself. Ok so whenever I get money I don’t expect, I immediately give it away. The only money I use on myself is money I earned working or selling something. If I acquire money some other way, like if someone gives me some cash, I donate it. My logic is I’m making it with the budget I’m on and I can think of a lot of people who need that money a whole lot more than I do. One time I found $50 on the ground at the train station. I put it in my wallet and put it in the offering plate the next Sunday. But I recently stumbled a bit. I made over a grand on my tax return. I’m not sure how I pulled that off, especially since my AGI was under twelve grand. Anyways, my first thought was selfish. I have a high amount of student debt and I also have a borderline neurosis/complex/infatuation towards it. I’m consumed with ways to get rid of it. So when I saw a thousand big ones, I couldn’t help but think of Wells Fargo and being one step closer to being rid of that ball and chain.
So little trust!!!!!!!! How could I not trust God? How could I not trust that I would have the resources to be a good steward and pay off my debt? How could I make such a bold rule for myself but then be a hypocrite and only follow it when it is convenient? It’s easy to toss $20 at Katie. It’s not a sacrifice to put $50 I found in the offering. But $1,000? That’s definitely not easy to let go of. When you’ve never made more than $17,000 after taxes any year of your life, $1,000 is a lot of money. I believe to truly give of yourself, you have to feel it. Your giving should strain you. If you don’t even feel it when you tithe/donate, then you aren’t giving enough. Jesus most certainly never called us to be comfortable. Not all of us can be overseas in dire situations preaching the word and serving, suffering for Christ. But I believe putting a little extra financial strain on ourselves for the good of others is a practical way to suffer for Him.

I experienced another similar thing recently with trust. I lived here for about six months before I changed my license plates. Well for one thing, I wanted to make sure I was here to stay. But much more importantly I did not want to pay for switching my plates/registration/title/inspection and all that comes with it, when my Illinois registration didn’t expire until June. Ye of so little faith!!! I cannot believe how much I lacked trust. I chose breaking the rules and hoping to get away with it, to save a few bucks, instead of putting faith in God and being a good citizen.
I think there are so many ways we can circumvent the rules a bit, white lie and get away with not paying as much as we are required. I was almost guilty of this while filing my taxes. I’m so used to not mentioning the money I made under the table and doing my returns with that mindset. But all of this has convicted me. There is no need to go behind anyone's back. I think that if you have to hide what you are doing it's either a surprise party or it's wrong.
I feel strongly that if you are completely on board with Jesus and have completely devoted your life to Him, there is no situation where it would be okay to cut corners and not completely follow the rules. God will always provide. We need to trust Him that we will come up with the resources to live out a wholesome, righteous and God-fearing life.

I find the harder I work, the more luck I seem to have. -Thomas Jefferson